I am continuously amazed at how many changes my life is making and how fast time is flying by. I recently experienced the 10 month anniversary and still seem so shocked when I realize all that I have been through in such a short time. I have buried my husband, moved out of the house, sold ALOT of our stuff, dropped out of school, started back at school and now have an anticipated graduation date, gone full time at work, have had a front row seat for what it means to be a grown up, most importantly I have grown closer to my Heavenly Father. Never before has my testimony grown so quickly but yet so surely. I know that Heavenly Father loves each of us and is aware of us. Even though this evolving experience has been tragic and heartbreaking, I have already learned so much about my self and about others. This experience is already stretching and trying me in a way that I never have been before and I am sure that one day I will be completely grateful for the positive changes that has come from this. Yes the pain is still real, the hurt is still there, and the loneliness is sometimes totally encompassing but the sun still shines, I still have the opportunity to wake up each morning, and I still have the love of family and friends. I am understanding the term of "refiners fire" a little more each day. The conclusion that I have come to is that I am going to let this experience refine me but not define me. I am becoming a different person each day but I have decided that I don't want to be looked at as the girl that "lost her husband". I want to be the girl that can come out strong and on top of this devastating adversity and stand as a witness of the many amazing blessings of the gospel. I never in a million years ever dreamed of being where I am at age 25 but fate has decided this course for me and I am just trying to face each new adventure face forward with a smile. I have placed my life in the hands of the Lord and am just waiting to see what lies ahead for me!
5 comments:
I like that..." refine you but not define you!" Very true!!
- Leandro
Oh you are such a beautiful writer - thanks for sharing your journey. xoxo
I found you on the VHS blog. You are so amazing and you have a very positive out look though you have been through so much. I have thought a lot about you throughout the year so far. I have hoped that you were ok and greatly comforted. Here are some thoughts i've had...it may be long so i apologize now! I can't start to say i know how you feel because our experiences are so different. But in some ways i think you can think the same things through different trials like..when is normal going to return? And what will normal be? (i thought this a lot) When my husband told me out of nowhere that he wasn't in love with me anymore and he wanted a divorce, i remember being so devastated and overwhelmed that nothing i could have said or done would have changed the outcome (and believe me, i tried so hard). I kept thinking i didn't choose this road. I got married in the temple to a return missionary. But i learned fast that this was a trial i had to face head on. I learned that i have no control over others desicions. And that is where i think we are alike. I too learned so much, so fast, so young... I had to rely on the Lord to carry me through each day when i emotionally and physically couldn't walk another foot on my own. At the time i didn't want to be in my situation nor could i believe it was really happening to me. But i look back and im so grateful how positive i looked at life. I know the Lord helps you with knowing that the days will get easier though it could be a long road. I gained a greater testimony and priceless knoweledge that could have taken years to gain. For the first time felt the Lord by my side physically. It was such an amazing time and im sad that as time goes by, that closeness with the Lord seems to distance. I know he is still there but i also know in times of devastation he is even closer. So soak it up! You are so blessed to have so much support and love! I envy you. Sorry if i have rambled too much. You know how you have so many thoughts but struggle putting them into words? I struggle! Anyway have a good day. Thanks for your inspiration=)
I am so glad we are journeying together! You are amazing and such an inspiration to so many people! Jeff is proud of you Krystal and so am I. This blog is just a start of how you will help heal so many hearts....
-Ali, thank you for rambling! I love hearing from others and love hearing about your journey! You are such an amazing women to make it through all that you have as well! Love you!
-Thanks to everyone else for the continous love and support! I am so blessed!
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